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“A PLACE to find SOLUTIONS when LIFE HAPPENS!”
“Building & Protecting THE FUTURE OF THE FAMILY!”
Currently, we are interviewing professionals, established organizations and families to understand the current specific need that is slipping through the cracks in todays world.
There are the “in between families” that are not poor enough or rich enough to receive the truly needed family support. Life happens, and that includes crisis. This fact will never end. The point is the ability to face and navigate what life throws at us: Loss of job, house, and health; death of family member: divorce; addictions; childhood sickness; trauma; or a myriad of other facts of life.
Some agencies can not and do not recognize the chronic, subtle, complicated aspects that face families of today. Typically, when parents face hospitals, schools and state agencies asking for help, and since things have already escalated, the PARENTS ARE BLAMED. Many times parents have looked at help for a long time where a complicated situation that now is a crisis. There was no one to identify the subtle red flags or trained to manage the situation, leaving the family with no way out.
Crisis is part of life. Some are better equipped to deal with traumatic concerns and others have no resources or abilities to successfully navigate what life can throw at you.
There has to be an option to HELP FAMILIES THROUGH LIFE CONCERNS. Agencies, courts and laws need to support healthy resolution of family issues where families are not destroyed. Our culture is changing so fast, that research and professional training has not kept up with the current times. Families are facing circumstances never seen before with no tools to resolve the real concerns. They need to have ways to identify the different levels of concerns and have teams available to work with each. This means the industry needs oversight, transparency, training and qualified multidisciplinary teams working together for successful family outcomes.
No one wants to label a family in a state of Chronic Extreme Traumatic Stress, Post Traumatic Stress Injury or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Injury. By doing so, the family is identified as to having a deeper concern that needs to be resolved. The quick and easy answer is separating the family and providing behavioral modification and medication within what is considered “normal life circumstances”. Any child and parent that can not meet these one size fits all “standards” are erased from the family. A hardline approach has been needed since there is no training or understanding into many of today’s struggles. The problem is sweeping the concern under the carpet just means more problems later, costing families and the government more and more money.
Real Problems need Real Answers. Telling parents their rights are gone, giving children out in foster care or adoption damages parents. These actions are unconstitutional. Parents are not enemies of the state, nor are they terrorists. This intervention is immoral on almost all levels. Telling children their parents are bad parents who refuse to do what the state has deemed is bad enough, Telling children that their parents, who truly do everything to protect, care and love their children, have abandoned them is even worse. Then ensuring that the children comply with the mandate of the state, the children are medicated, placed in mandatory behavioral control programs and placed in foreign homes with strangers they are told to call mom and dad. This is not the best or just solution for American child or family, or any child or family.
There are extreme cases that need this intervention. There has to be checks and balances, transparency and third party oversight. Yet now there is a self regulating industry devoted to this standard practice. The fall out from this social experiment is unknown at this point. It will take 10-15 years to understand the effects. that have happened in the last decade.
The problems we see today reflect the herd of elephants in the room no one wants to talk about. Food, toxicity, medication, educational approaches, cultural attitudes and so-called successful work dynamics are causing some serious concerns on the behavioral health and disorders found in today’s family. This happens not because parents and children are bad or crazy. The labeling is out of ignorance for the underlying truth and the lack of training to spot the red flags of the current situation. Thus, professionals are not trained and do not address these larger elephants in the room. The research on these ideas are still 15 years out, and 20 plus before they will begin to incorporate into common culture. Thus, professionals are actually blind to these concerns and the many red flags. Since the answers are not obvious, they point fingers at parents and children saying they are delusional, when that is far from the truth. Escalations occur, and families are broken up and destroyed. White washing the situation with drugs, programing for normalcy and adoptions to prove numbers is burying this concern deeper.
Though new information is not incorporated into common teaching and the general understanding, there is a gap in knowledge and services for these high need groups. There does exist the newly researched and well-documented complex phenomenons effecting families in first world nations around the glob. These have to do with toxicity and trauma. The success model that is sought in the corporate world and governments includes developing personality traits of the Dark Triad (Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy) to be successful in the cut throat competitive world. The problem is that these world leaders which include both men and women have to go home at night to their families. Work and family can not be compartmentalized and life is not quality of time. All time adds up and takes it tole.
This is another new rising concern is facing families. There are not any programs set up to deal with identifying and navigating the stress and ultimately crisis facing these families. Other factors are contributing to health and wellbeing of all family members. Escalations spins families out of control. When there is a vacuum made by the crisis, the child has an unfulfilled need that predators look for to exploit. Fear is there power to control another person for personal gain.
The Signs to Look For:
The tactics of psychological coercion often involve anxiety and stress, and fall into seven main categories.
1. Restrictive techniques such as extended audio, visual, verbal, or tactile fixation, exhaustive, exact repetition of routine activities, sleep restriction, and/or social restriction.
2. Establishment of control over the victim’s social environment, time, and sources of social support by creating social isolation; removing contact with family and friends who promote self-esteem, independence, positivity, and sense of well-being. Economic controls may contribute.
3. Rejection of alternate information and separate opinions. Rules exist about permissible topics to discuss. Communication is highly controlled.
4. Forcing the victim to re-evaluate the most central aspects of his or her experience of self and prior conduct in negative ways. The victim is made to feel like a “bad” person. Efforts are designed to destabilize and undermine the subject’s basic consciousness, reality awareness, world view, emotional control and defense mechanisms. The subject questions, doubts, and reinterprets his or her life and adopts a new “reality.”
5. Creating a sense of powerlessness by subjecting the victim to intense and frequently confusing, conflicting actions and situations which undermine the victim’s self-confidence and judgment.
6. Creating strong, aversive, emotional arousals in the subject by reactions such as intense humiliation, loss of privilege, social isolation, social status changes, intense guilt, anxiety, and manipulation.
7. Intimidation of the victim by implied power, size, voice amplitude, or implied threat. Psychological coercion can be applied to such a degree that the victim’s capacity to make informed or free choices becomes inhibited. The victim becomes unable to make the normal, wise or balanced decisions which they most likely or normally would have made, had they not been manipulated. The cumulative effect of psychological coercion can be an even more effective form of undue influence than pain, torture, drugs or the use of physical force or threats.”
There is coercive control techniques used by individuals and groups to use people and harm them for personal benefit. This includes human/sexual/child trafficking. Just like drugs, this is a huge concern today that is not seen or addressed. Silently children are sucked into lives they do not understand and it becomes the only language and currency they know. When a detective asked a your girl that was trafficked why she did not tell anyone. Her response was no one asked. There is now an organization called JUST ASK that educates people: kids, parents, teachers, professionals and service providers to JUST ASK the right questions to help these children trapped in dark worlds.
The research is indicating that Dark Triad and other physical concerns will shed light on these complex and bizarre cases before the courts today. As this is understood our diagnostic and therapies will improve to provide more options for the wellbeing of children and the family. Right now there is a huge divide between the system that is charged with helping and families struggling to survive. Children, families, professionals, service providers and courts need options now that do not exist. That does not help families now facing a myriad of concerns which include special needs, health and subtle manipulation which creates unhealthy home environments and families in crisis.
There are far more options here in Virginia. People want to help. Yet if they do not know what they are missing there is no way to identify the unknown. Since currently trained professionals are not educated in identifying the red flags of some of these special cases, nor have the tools needed to intervene in effective ways, families tend to be blamed for the manipulative, unidentified actions of things outside their control and impossible to understand without professional help. Until these advancements in research and education are listed in professional manuals and offered as standard training, families are left to fend for themselves with no relief leaving them devastated in the wake of so called help and intervention.
There are tiered help to intervene, yet sometimes the core issues are not addressed and the interventions are ineffective. The last tier state funded option is CSA Child Services Act that is focused on Empowering Youth. This is a state with community service providers that works with different agencies to intervene when children are in crisis. Case plans are submitted and CSA provides funding to help the child and family to get back on track. This program does much good, yet there are some cases that have deeper currents that can not be addressed.
State intervention can not occur until a crisis threshold is reached (first and second tier intervention), and by that point the damage to the family is just too great. Just because these institutions have not caught up with the current trends does not mean families are not in the trenches with unknown factors influencing the families and sending them into extreme crisis. Just because professionals are blind and can not see, does not mean these concerns are not real. Families know exactly how real they are.
The only answer is building teams that are available and trained in early warning red flags that tie back to the thin red line related to the core issues that have shifted the family out of normal functioning.
Families need to trust they have somewhere safe to go with a team of different resource professionals that can work together to resolve the family issues and restore a harmonious environment.
An early intervention of a holistic, collaborative approach is needed to ensure family safety and family success. The ever increasing option of state displacing children is not the best solution. We hope to find a way to bypass the need of state intervention and work with families to find early involvement with trained professionals giving support and guidance to avoid extreme crisis.
There are options. The CLOUD Difference is to seek out those options and pull them together. Through this process realize what is missing, and add those links to complete the synergistic circle needed to help the in between families find real solutions.
The Family Alliance’s Goal is to be an alliance of networked services and a team set up for family focused intervention. There seems to be a missing place for complex situations where families in between that are not poor enough for state help or financially secure enough to resolve their own family crisis. These complicated cases include subtle concerns that escalate into extreme cases, where the state’s only answer is break up the family.
The Family Alliance’s purpose is to intervene as the red flags come up with trained professionals working with family advocates. This is a family-based child-focused approach working in collaboration with all needed professionals in the team. Our efforts are to focus on the family and its future providing skills, support and options, so they can successfully navigate the family crisis. Being able to pull local resources and provide new options, we hope to positively shift a currently neglected population struggling to keep their families and lives together.
We plan to avoid the pitfalls of family crisis with a holistic approach dealing with core issues. Life happens. Crisis occurs. Families with help, guidance and professional services working with each aspect affected with common goals allows them as a complete unit (even in different homes through divorce) to restore a secure, healthy home environment(s) through the stages of crisis.
There is a difference between organic mental health issues and acute concerns related to a specific crisis (that can be chronic in long term abuse or high stress situations). Some of the current, available services fall short in these chronic, complex family crisis dynamics. There is a need for professional evaluations, interventions and case plans working with a dynamic team to allow the family to successfully navigate to secure footing together. Each situation is unique, thus their plan will be different. The point is to recognize these special situations and use leading edge strategies to secure the family.
As we develop our research and work with the team, more information about these specific concerns will surface. We hope to be ready to intervene and curve the current direction of this “in between” group.